A rash of savage wolf attacks in the Anchorage area has brought suspicion that Alaska's infamous 'Corrupt Bastards' have now turned to more direct, and ruthless means to attain their goals. "I've never seen anything like it." said Alaska Department of Fish and Game Commissioner Denby S. Lloyd. "This is the first time in history we've witnessed such a sustained string of wolf attacks."
Although no humans have been hurt in the attacks - yet - several dogs have been killed or maimed. "I'm sure it's just a matter of time before they turn on people." said Lloyd.
"This only began happening after several high profile Corrupt Bastards went on trial and were convicted for their crimes." Lloyd went on. "The rank and file are still out there, only now they are deprived of their stream of revenue - and they are hungry. Everyone is on the watch for them now and the only recourse for them are these attacks on people and their pets. We don't know what they hope to gain from the attacks, except perhaps the satisfaction of lashing out against those who have taken their lollipops from them."
Lloyd said he believed they were training wolves to make the attacks. "The reason I think so," he said. "is because we captured one of the leaders of one of the packs. And that wolf turned out to be a German Shepherd with a collar inscribed with the owner's name 'Frank Murkowski' on it."
Frank Murkowski is a former Republican governor of Alaska and widely regarded as one of the most Corrupt Bastards of all time, at least in Alaska.
"Coincidence?" asked Lloyd. "I don't think so!"
The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.